F**K Gratitude! Try Contentment instead!

Written by Kieran Zenithal Abaddon

January 16, 2026

Today I reflected on all the times, that people, well meaning, said to me, oh be grateful for what you have.

You know what? Ive had it. Im done with your shitty advice. Go F**k yourself. There's my gratitude.

You might say, but Kieran, why? Gratitude helps you get into a positive mindset and helps you focus less on the negative.

Okay I hear you and NOPE! SHUT UP!

Gratitude has been my biggest annoying pet peeve since toxic positivity culture started this f**king trend.

I say, nah, there's a better way.

What way?

well, lets see. Contentment.

So here's the biggest problem, after all the trauma shit, Im a big mess. Okay?

So, all the usual positive shit really doesn't sit right with me, m'kay?

Instead, I am aiming for contentment. Neutral territory. Its still in the positive zone but I feel its actually more realistic and achievable.

I know, it sounds hard ASF!

When, you think about contentment, your brain probably goes to whatever you might think it "should" look like and feel like.

I know, me too.

We need to set our expectations to a low threshold first off. Yall, we spent too much life in traumatic experiences. Gotta be gentle with this. That's the point.

So, my biggest mistake is I tried to force my inner experience to match my outer experience.

This looks like, okay I should feel calm, centered, no noise in my head, no anxiety, I can breathe and then outside will not be so bad.

A lot of people work inside out. Okay, its not bad but frankly, this doesn't help or work for me.

I tried the reverse!

So, how this works for me. I go to a place that outside feels quiet, peaceful and safe. Or relatively safe.

Honestly, nature. Thats what works.

So, I sit under a tree, or in the grass, or on a blanket/towel in the grass and I find my most comfortable position.

Then I look around. I take my time. I name the things I see usually in my head. I dont just look, I absorb. I pay attention to the details of the grass, the trees, animals, flowers, plants. I take my time with this.

I also, slow my breathing little by little. This is known as a Somantic experience.

After some time, I pay attention to the sounds and do something similar with the eyes.

If there is any smells I do the same routine.

This is known as a grounding technique. Its commonly taught by therapists.

Then, I close my eyes and picture everything I just saw and heard and smelled, felt even and I draw it in. I see the outside on my inside.

This is called the mirroring effect.

See, parents mirror to their children how their inner experience should be. When you cry, a healthy parent will hold you and be your stability so you feel safe and protected. This is them showing you or mirroring to you, how to emotionally regulate during tough times, when you cry.

In unhealthy families, often this mirroring is lacking or they taught you bad coping skills or both.

So, what im doing is using the outside, nature itself, to be my teacher. My parent. To mirror for me how to emotionally regulate. How to carry within me a safe space, that I can go to when im going through tough situations.

So, that when my outer experiences are even, traumatic, I can go to the safe space within, and be centered so I can better deal with bad situations.

Make sense?

Everybody, always talks about safe spaces but rarely about, creating a safe space within.

Now, there are no shortcuts on this. It takes several months and even then you still gotta practice this.

There will be times, your inner experience will try to resist this and negative thoughts will impede this process.

To deal with negative thoughts is a bit more steps but here:

Step 1: You get a negative thought. Example - I look stupid.

Step 2: What evidence of when Im not stupid can I find? I seek em out and look at those memories instead.

Step 3: I tell myself. I am allowed to make mistakes because im human.

Step 4: I forgive myself. I practice the Step 3 a lot.

I know this seems either too easy or too hard depending on where you are.

The thing is its hard to go from misery to joy when you've spent a lifetime of suck. So contentment is a bit more neutral and a good place to reach on your healing journey. From there you can work to joy and accepting happiness!

So this is just what im trying out. If it helps great!

Love,

Kieran Zenithal Abaddon