Night 22: Patron Goddess of Souls, Twilight, Trickery, Seduction & Nurture

Written by Valmar, Arlo Tailsen Blaidwen aka Blackstrike, Jareth Killias, Merlin, Dax Highcross, Blake Tallon, Blaze Handor Zur, Kieran Zenithal Abaddon, Amari Shaamuthi, Ash Stormbringer, Relgeth and more!

3-26-2026

Trigger warnings: Section Day 23 - Mention of abuse, self-harm and suicide ideation.

Created by VLC Blackstrike © 2026 For my beloved.

We sat around a the council table on the bridge of our nameless ship. We had scratched the name of the ship, more times, than I, Valmar, could count. I drummed my claws onto the table in rapid succession, as I watched all of them hug Demon Lord Ozul. He was, finally, for the first time ever, crying inner world.

Demon Lord Ozul was still Mr. Black Heart, he prefers that nickname and his original name remains. I still feel that name is hard to say but if it makes him happy, then that makes sense.

We have agreed and determined that, he is actually both a member of the Legion and he is essential a headmate that was containing all of the Legion's hatred. So, needless to say, Ozul is full of hatred or at least was, and very nearly the personification of Hatred itself.

I, Valmar, have a lot of knowledge on the purpose of this world called Earth. I will say that Earth was not created to be destroyed, more a place for humans to prove themselves to the intelligent designers or Architect's of this universe. Architects are Gods, Goddesses, Loas and Spirits of all kind. The True Source is what everything comes from...not this Yahwey, everybody talks about.

Yahwey, also, cannot be omnipotent and omnipresent at the same time. It is simply not possible.

From what every believer claims, he was wrathful and to resolve the problems of the past, he sent his son to this world to make reparations. Instead, humans did what they always seem to do, and treated Jesus, as a enemy, and ultimately, murdered him, in a very cruel way. At least, that is what the bible tells.

I know the truth. I want to remind all who follow those types of religions, that human hands wrote the dead sea scrolls and the bible once you dive into the "history" of it, you will find out so much awful things. That is, plus the sex child trafficking that is deeply involved in that f**king religion is what ultimately lead to the system leaving the religion entirely. I, Valmar, never followed the religion ever. I knew that this Religion wasn't healthy from the very beginning.

The whole selling your body off to God thing was disgusting. And the whole men are in charge of the household according to the "bible" is just patriarchy bullsh*t used to control and it is not about love or honesty or grace or protection. Its about control and power. That religion has done more evil than any other religion out there.

Its strange, once you leave that religion, you end up finding, an infinite universe beyond, that's vast and beautiful. That is what the my system is going through.

Whether you agree or not on those things, I can tell you a few things about myself. I am neither a liar nor fake. I am real. I am a spirit that was marred to this form, for various reasons. All humans are given demonic spirits or other things to work against human's achieving essentially ascension/nirvana/the golden path etc.

Some of these things are not, obviously new information for some people. They already know this kind of knowledge. I'm simply explaining for those who do not. I may be called a heretic, but I don't care. I am here to build an empire that doesn't depend on money solely but on teamwork, community and balances the scales.

I do still love that Jesus, he was a pretty awesome man, and as for Yahwey, well I don't hate him, I just don't necessarily feel comfortable speaking with him.

I, am partially a Succubus, but I'm also other things too. I have been working on this for quite a long time, to gather things to improve myself with. I'm not talking this current body either. Whether you think we are stark, raving mad or just a good storyteller, I don't give a damn. I try to be kind. I try to learn and grow. Be teachable.

If I am living on some level of madness? Oh well. As long as I don't cause terror and violence...and I am healthy, what does it matter?

Psychology is only a limited science, just so you know. There is so much more than what mental health professionals understand.

I do, however, have an alliance with The God of Mischief Loki. I, of course, have a benefactor, or boss, who has allowed me to work as I wish, with the promise if I achieve my goal, then I will have access to more rewards.

"Valmar! Can you believe what Jareth just said?" repeated Dax to me.

I looked over, my slightly sharp tongue sliding across my lips. "Oh, I know. I was there."

Several incredulous looks at me, made me smile. "Look we were what age, Jareth?"

Jareth was wearing his gold chain around his neck, diamond earring in one ear with a upper earring of a dangling sword. His shirt was white with gold print saying werewolf on it. His pants were dark blue and he was wearing a black hat now with a red pagan looking cross on it. Behind him, a fluffy grey wolf tail swished.

Jareth shrugged. "We were a teenager. So age 14?"

Dante blinked incredulously. "So...you had s*x with a boy at THAT church? At age 14?? What the actual f**k dude!"

Blaze coughed. "How are you so calm about this Jareth? Like you seem even pretty proud of that? Like WTF?"

God of Murder Bhaal, crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "I'm not surprised. Jareth has always been a troublemaker. Mr. Werewolf Paladin after all."

Jareth smirked and snorted. "Yea well, I'm the Main Protector. I have calmed a lot down since teenager years okay? My Title is Champion of Affectionate Love & Transformation. I'm not interested in being anything else. I'm happy that I was knighted by King Arthur. Still not sure how much that was real or just inner world antics, because that was during the eloping extreme high nightmare mess."

Valmar crossed her leather clad legs and smirked. "Now, now Jareth, you are still a rebel. I can't imagine you not being interested in the mess going on lately? You know the one with Landry, Mordred, Kulbert, Voidius return after all and Darkness."

Jareth nodded. "We talked to Landry today. And its clearer now, Consul is Kulbert. Its just his last name apparently. Dissociation has really f**ked up identifying each other and inner world is still hard to feel and see. I'm just so relieved that Voidius returned from the Void."

Arlo walked in, his face neutral but his fist on his left side was balled up and one of his fangs was out. "Voidius is still very hurt. He said that he felt that he shouldn't exist that he deserves the worst. But Dax and Kieran helped me get through to him that we will not stop until every single member of the Legion knows love. Knows peace. Knows they can heal and they can just learn."

Valmar clapped softly. "I'm really proud of all of us."

Several months later...

The Body's Birthday.

The God of Adventure and Unconditional Love. I marveled at the name, when it was announced that they had all agreed that I was the best Dungeon Master of us all and that therefore qualified me to be the God of Adventure. I was the one to do some of the fencing experiences. I was the one who loved Ducks and humming birds. I was the one who first embraced being Demiboy and learned that we had D.I.D.

I will always go by Kieran. That is who I am. I was hoping to be beyond the past trauma but frankly, way too much bullsh*t happened last year and this year for me to just sit around and ignore that bit. I truly want to be free of the past.

As I put on my finishing touches of the makeup, I whispered. "Now remember, today is our body's birthday. We need to focus on joy and relaxing. Having fun. This is a no work day and we are going to enjoy it."

As I adjusted my clothes and necklaces, I felt intense anxiety. "Okay, who is having anxiety today? Is it because we are going to donate plasma? Is someone scared of needles?"

I sat there for a bit, waiting. Then a meek voice pipped up inner world. "No....I just...the nurses at the hospitals hurt us. They made us spray blood and called us names for being trans. I'm scared of medical people. They are scary."

I blinked. "Okay, that was last year. That was hospitals. I forgot that was part of the biggest trauma from last year...all those POS doctors and nurses at all these hospitals and places. Well, if anybody gives us trouble, I will set appropriate boundaries. Remember boundaries is what keeps us safe. We don't match energy. We set a boundary. That's healthy!"

As the day wore on, I tossed back and forth the idea of what trauma baggage we should focus on tomorrow.

Dax poked me inner world. "Hey, maybe we should focus on the Main ex. You know the 3 1/2 years one."

I nodded. "Dax that's probably a good idea. I just ugh...I hate having to talk about all that...Stupid POS Ex Janice. That's her name now. She doesn't even get her original name. She acts just like all the Janice's I've met."

Dax laughed. "Okay...so how exactly do we process "trauma"?"

Jareth waved his hand over like a rainbow, mouthing "trauma" in the background, to which Dax snorted at.

Kieran sighed. "Okay Jer jer, why the antics? Have you renewed your spell slots finally? Mr. God of Protection?"

Jareth sighed. "Yea I hate fronting sometimes. Its always dealing with, you know who, and I miss um...you know... OMG."

Kieran snorted. "Well we got a lot of thirsty people but boundaries and patience. We aren't like a superman or woman or whatever. We can't just go around doing everybody like ew."

Jareth crossed his arms. "Hey I'm selective. I don't sleep around. I am an upstanding werewolf, even if I'm a menace sometimes."

Dax laughed. "Okay so anyways, can we focus on something else....besides I really am looking forward to us having enough income to actually do things."

Kieran paced around the command center. "Well I can see inner world finally. And...oh my...my hand...my self...omg yes!" They put their hand up and pretty short nails with teal sparkly nail polish was before their face. I can't believe we finally did it. I missed seeing this command center. Although guys, this place needs a glow up!"

Jareth looked around and was mouth open agape, as he looked around, "Damn I did miss this tin bucket. Kidding..."

Dax reached over and touched Kieran's shoulder and bicep. "Yup we got it going again. I guess we haven't had an opportunity to explore the mind as much as we like."

Kieran nodded. "So what is the plan for the night tonight?"

Demon Lord Deviros, walked into the command center, rubbed his hands together. "I'm thirsty...so thirsty...for..."

Jareth sighed and interrupted him immediately with a stop hand signal. "Wow...okay, please keep it PG-13 please. Like we can't be giving away all our um...you know..."

Dax stepped back and looked at the command chair. "So whose...fronting then...?"

Kieran and Jareth looked over.

A side glance from the person in the Captain's chair helped. "Oh...that is Blackstrike."

Blackstrike stretched his legs and toes before he looked over, "So we having "sexy fun times" tonight or....?"

Tinuviel walked into the command center. "Owww...so a bunch of....?"

Jareth waved his hands back and forth. "No, no, no! We are not discussing this like "this". I feel self-conscious and we do not need to share anymore about it got it?"

Dax nodded. Kieran blushed. Blackstrike shrugged. "Okay." Demon Lord Deviros laughed. Tinuviel pouted.

They felt the ripple of something akin to green lightning strike in the command center and The God of Mischief Loki appeared, in his Marvel Loki attire from the first movie, with the exception his hair was longer, braided and he had red hair not black. His eyes were deeply green and sparkling like an emerald. In his hand he held a long golden staff with snakes at the top and a green gem. "Now...I want a moment alone with Kieran."

Jareth and Dax exchanged worried looks. Blackstrike sighed. "I understand...I love you, Loki."

Loki nodded to him and Blackstrike blew him a kiss.

Kieran was suddenly in another room on the ship. A more quieter, private room. It had some tables and chairs. Loki motioned to a chair. Kieran sat down. "Yes?"

Loki crossed his legs at the table. "Kieran...you know what I want."

Kieran stretched and yawned. "I know...Loki..." They felt their face flush.

Loki smirked. "You are adorable. But it is time to decide. Are you going to accept my proposal or not?"

Kieran avoided looking him in the face. "I've thought about it. I'm willing to agree to your terms but even Deities have to respect boundaries. You will respect the boundaries correct?"

Loki nodded. "Even demons and angels have no choice but to respect boundaries as well. To that end, we are more honest then humans are."

Kieran smiled. "I like that deities actually have rules. Humans seem to think they can just break them whenever...although you are the God of Mischief...so rule breaking is kind of your thing isn't it?"

Loki yawned. "Every trickster has there destructive side...but I try to reign myself in, as its not really purposeful to just destroy everything...it would be too easy and boring. Remember I made sure that your "team" cannot just go back to self-destructive tendencies anymore. I have created rules and measures now that you cannot ignore."

Kieran nodded. "And honestly, thank you for that Loki. I was really scared that one of us, was going to eventually off us because they didn't really get that this body contains us all or that the year is now 2026 not whatever year they come from."

Loki nodded. "It is why I created this measure. And I am looking forward to tonight with you. I expect the full experience. And you know our agreement, correct?"

Kieran blushed deeply. "Um yea...I will do whatever you ask for the night."

Loki smirked. "Good."

Kieran sighed. "Please make sure to not do anything that will cause actual harm and no going outside or like being loud...its embarrassing..."

Loki nodded. "I will see you tonight."

Kieran nodded and suddenly they were back on the command center. Jareth was on the command chair and Dax was talking to some littles that had come to the main part of the ship. The bridge.

Demon Lord Deviros had left. However, Tinuviel remained and started teaching the littles and some teenagers about things they were seeing. The endless amount of questions the teens and littles had was becoming overwhelming.

Kieran blurted out again. "Hey, when I said question everything...I mean you guys really went overboard with that. Maybe dial it back a little."

Kumquat asked loudly. "Why do adults say one thing and then another says something else and in the end I end up saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing because two adults or more said so many different things...how the hell am I supposed to know what is best? I'm just confused!"

Kieran nodded. Tinuviel answered. "Well, here's the thing, every adult is different. Some agree on things but there is a wide variety of ways people talk and do things."

Dax clapped to get their attention. "Hey, that's why you have us Adults in the team/system. We will make sure we are safe and protected. So you don't have to worry. Remember worrying about everything is not good for us. It doesn't actually protect us."

Arlo, walked in, looking tired and smiled deeply when he saw Jareth. "Jareth! Oh my god. Yes! We missed you Mr. Main Protector! Where were you?"

Jareth bobbed his head sheepishly. His slightly dark brown hair was spiky. He had deep blue eyes and a slightly five o-clock shadow. He had on the hat, that had been lost last year during the crisis.

"Yup, I'll be out tomorrow I promise. I just felt embarrassed and was dealing with a lot of self-shame and self-blame. I'm trying to not let it stop me from being out anymore."

Arlo wrapped his arms around Jareth and buried his face in his neck. "Thank god. I missed you. So much."

Jareth smiled and tears welled up. "I'm the Main protector. Its my job, to make sure we are okay. That I can hold us through our personal storms, to make sure we don't feel so alone."

Day 23 - Icarus's Fall

The day started out fine. I, Jareth, called the car insurance to which I learned with horror, that because of a experience that wasn't my fault, that I could not use that particular insurance. So we will have to find a new car insurance. That was stressful.

We need car insurance to work our job. Without it, I can't drive and thus do the job. So, of course it felt like the world was crashing all around me. We do actually have Autism and ADHD.

A lot of people in our life haven't been very understanding or empathetic to what we have experienced. Instead, its never-ending judgement, criticism and dismissing our feelings. Which is why we are very cautious about sharing too much online, even in this, and yet this needs to be talked about. Even if this a heavy subject. It must be talked about. Silence serves no one.

That has lead a lot of us to view human beings as dangerous, unsafe and cruel. Which while the trauma and experiences are not our fault, that belief isn't helpful because not all humans are dangerous, unsafe or cruel.

So we've been trying to challenge these old patterns and ingrained beliefs, with more honest views, but when the trauma intercedes, like it did today, its very hard to keep centered or regulated and stupid Hind brain, is just right there to push the story back to: "we are alone in the world, and nobody cares about us belief machine."

As the day went on, more stress kept being added, the fear of not being able to pay for car insurance since I couldn't use the family one and being unable to continue the job due to that reason was not just overwhelming, it meant lack of personal autonomy, it meant dependence again, it meant lack of financial freedom and being right back to square one and trying so hard to escape this place, that we kept lading back in because we can't handle everything by ourself.

We aren't superman. We are in a human body. We have the same needs as everyone else with the added complications of Autism, ADHD, C-PTSD and medical issues that aren't getting better because its genetic. Today, we got lost in our storm of pain and it felt never-ending.

Our 16 year old headmate, he just can't handle adult stressors like this. He gets overwhelmed easily and his ADHD is the biggest issue right now. He's defiant and destructive because nobody externally listens to him.

I had to ask specific questions to understand why he was threatening self-harm and S.I.

He says what is wrong with humans? All they do is focus on their personal problems but they have no capacity to care about others that makes no sense?

Like we are social creatures. We need others. Otherwise what its, just this bullshit thing of "let's all suffer alone? Like that's not healthy!"

"Community is supposed to help people not feel alone and to help them not suffer because you have people who care. So How is that helpful? Being alone is why people off themselves.

Being alone is WHY people suffer. We do better with others. People. But not every person is safe either. We don't want to be with people who make us feel alone. Who dismiss our feelings. Who only see their trauma and pain. People who claim they are anti-abuse but then excuse gaslighting certain people, who they don't like...that's not a flex.

Being a mean person gets you lonely and you end up suffering alone but then you get mad because nobody wants to be your friend? Well mean people are not well liked because hello mean.

Being kind is a flex.

Being willing to listen to another's pain, when you can. That's a flex.

Nobody is a therapist and that should be clear of course. Yet, you don't even need to fully understand someone's pain, to just listen and care.

Its also, hypocritical to say you are decolonizing, and then resort to ableism, gaslighting, guilt tripping and shaming. Those are red flags, and abuse is never okay and is a choice. There is no excuse for it. I don't have to be around people who excuse those behaviors. And in fact, I have helped several headmates who are younger from unhealthy pursuits.

Every human experiences this by the way!

Sometimes you can't work on things, until it happens. If you don't know...then you don't know. Its unreasonable expectation to ask ADHD or other people with complex trauma to always be regulated...the very nature of those two is dysregulation...and yes therapy can help but its part of neurological differences and society is not built for neurodivergent people.

Its just 16 year headmate, on the other hand, while we explain things, when he gets those intense feelings of feeling really rejected, misunderstood and feels overwhelmed, he can't center no matter what and has a meltdown.

That's not intentional.

Its literally why autistic and neurodivergent people are misunderstood by society. Its part of the condition, which is actually a medical condition. And also, we now know that this can combo with what is known as ADHD RAGE and PTSD episodes.

We call that the Nightmare Storm or Perfect Storm.

A little background:

A perfect storm is a meteorological event aggravated by a rare combination of circumstances. The term is used by analogy to an unusually severe storm that results from a rare combination of meteorological phenomena. Before the early 1990s, the phrases "storm of the century" or "perfect storm" were generally used to describe unusually large or destructive storms. The term superstorm was employed in 1993 by the US National Weather Service to describe a nor'easter in March of that year.

So a perfect emotional storm is a stressful event or series of events that are aggravated by past experiences, neurodivergence dysregulation and emotional overwhelm that can include Flashbacks, feeling rage and a autistic meltdown all AT ONCE!

Here is some information on ADHD RAGE:

ADHD rage is characterized by intense and uncontrollable anger that individuals with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may experience. This type of anger often arises from difficulties in emotional regulation and impulse control, leading to sudden outbursts that can seem disproportionate to the triggering situation.

ADHD rage is a significant aspect of the condition that can impact relationships and daily functioning. Understanding its causes and implementing effective management strategies can help individuals with ADHD better control their emotional responses.

So what causes his ADHD Rage? Well we learned that when things like losing our insurance or big life changes happen that he just can't handle it. It is extremely upsetting and scary for him.

Then you add in, two people who instead of listening and letting us stim or have cool down time, was emotionally dismissive, verbally abusive and intentionally was nitpicking and taking oout their own problems on us. Not a good combo with the perfect storm event!

I, Jareth, believe that we must be the change we want to see in the world. So, I had to do something I've never done before. I asked for the 16 year olds trust. I asked for him to delay doing anything, so I can find solutions to what feel like problems. I also, listened. Just listened. I kept repeating you matter to me. Your feelings matter to me. I care. And just standing by while he ranted and raged within.

I didn't agree with what he was saying but this wasn't about right or wrong. Feelings like this are not about logic. They aren't about solutions. This is about emotional overwhelm and feeling f**king scared of life transitions and then being verbally abused by someone close to us.

Its was about feeling heard that he was in so much pain that's all and being comforted and met in that. he didn't need anything in that moment but that. So I had us use a stim toy and I had us drink water. Then I took us to wash our face and sat in our quiet space that is the restroom anywhere. It is where we take a time out to process and reset and breath. Sometimes vent to each other and center too.

If we can address the emotions with comfort and listening and then afterwards, address the actual problems with small step process solutions...this might actually help him, so that he doesn't feel he needs to self-harm or insist on falling on a sword or something equally gruesome and personally a cliche death.

I mean why not something way more epic? I mean maybe something like Summoning a elder thing or greater demon would be way more fun. - VLC Landry ;)

A lot of people have truly failed us or betrayed us.

Yup. Humans suck. - VLC Voidius

They didn't have the ability to show up and just listen to us and be there for us.

F**king lame a** stup*d pos. - VLC Arlo

I know, not everybody is able to be there for others, but this has been a continual problem throughout our life. People just seem to give up. Instead of trying to ask questions or inquire more, or get that we just needed to be heard and cared about, they throw their hands in the air and give up.

Like is that lack of ability? Or limitations of their own? Or something? - VLC Vyxian

Okay so they may not have the capacity to do simply something like that. And where are the people who can? Really where are they.... **crickets chirping** - VLC Kassina

The key problem is when someone is feeling emotionally flooded, sometimes they just need to be heard...and if the listener can't then they need to set a boundary and say hey I can't help...and offer warmline or something.

Instead because of what we keep running into...Now the16 year old, won't reach out at all...he'd rather just go it alone, which isn't good for staying away from Self-harm and S.I. and that's the problem.

So, while I, Jareth Killias, may not be an outside person, I can try to help him because someone needs to.

Sometimes I wonder if we need outside people at all? But That's likely just trauma response talking.

Outsiders do feel useless because most seem to lack empathy. They act like they live on another planet and have no compassion at all. That's been nearly our experience a lot now.

I really wish we knew where the compassionate and kind people were? Like where are they? Do they even exist? (16 year old says that one).

A lot of people do NOT listen to us, when we feel this way. So, we are alone in that feeling. That's what is happening. And its wrong. And we need support. We need community.

In fact, the few around us do everything that makes things worse for us, instead of just doing the one thing, that isn't too big of an ask and would solve this...just listening, saying supportive things like oh that sounds difficult, I'm sorry your experiencing that, thats wrong that happened, Or asking when we need or giving options.

This isn't a brand new ask. Its not overwhelming. Its not unreasonable. We give that back, its just people don't usually ask for our support. We offer it and nobody ever takes us up on it either that is a friend.

A lot of the times, we feel like the relationship isn't working because they aren't willing to be vunerable with us. And we don't demand vulernability because that's gross and invasive. If someone is not ready, they aren't ready!

For the record demanding vulernability of anyone is a RED FLAG!

If people would work on their social awareness and self-reflection a bit more but they don't want to do it. They refuse to do it.

It feels like or seems like people would rather insult us and mistreat us instead. That's not safe and that's not loving.

People maybe aren't mature enough or they really are socially akin to a rock, instead of giving empathy and being supportive. Maybe they don't know how to socialize and have real relationships. Its the lasting impression and deep desire to know why people act that way towards us. We don't get them. We don't get it. Its unreasonable. And its wrong.

Not everybody is cut out for being a "caring supportive type" during tough times I get that and yet having some compassion and a little grace does wonders for people in crisis or struggling with very heavy things. You can't solve or fix our situations...but being supportive when it counts that means the world to us. And we rarely get that. Its all judgement, criticism, blaming and shaming. And as soon as someone does this, I loose interest in them and wanting to know them. Its hard for me, Jareth, to be invested in someone who likes to tear me down or project their issues at me. Like go heal and stay away from me, if needed.

The thing is, its very common to run into socially inept people and people who only care about themselves, where my team lives.

We sometimes say "system" but we've decided to go with "team" instead. - VLC Blaze

Its far more common, to see people insist on being alone or they are a bunch of toxic people in a group. Not great prospects.

So I gotta step up for my team. Someone has to. Outside people have failed us over and over. I have lost faith in human beings.

If there are empathetic and caring people...where they at? Really? I'm serious...I tend to end up meeting jerks, aholes, pos, stupid people and judgmental egotistical people more often than not. I'm tired of those types. Like ew.

I've heard other S.I. people. They just want the suffering within to stop.

I know I can't fix that and I really shouldn't. That's not what they need. They need to be heard and cared about that's all. Human emotion, when its supported without fixing, means you trust that person can heal themselves, since they are responsible for their needs and own regulation but you are still saying I see you. I hear you. You matter.

That's known as a basic validation. Its part of being in community. And when someone has complex trauma being constantly dismissed, ignored, rejected, misunderstood, shamed, blamed and all that, that really isn't healing and it certainly isn't love. Its just pain and suffering.

We need more people to step up not just in our life but all around in the USA. People are here but they could be gone tomorrow.

I sometimes hear "Its hard to understand why someone would want to take their life?"

I don't think its hard to understand at all. Its just you lack awareness and the ability to see other's struggles and the endless lack of support they experience, that's why they end up doing things that lead to death. Not everybody is like you and has good emotional regulation, also.

Its not okay what people, outsiders, have done to my team. How they gave up on us when things got hard. That's not okay.

Maybe its because when things get hard for them, people left them, but that's not how we change this problem. By doing the same thing, its just continuing the trauma cycles. They aren't healing. They are being just like the person who hurt them. We offer our time and effort but reciprocity is rare.

That's not loving and that's not true friendship or what is good for any relationship.

So I, Jareth, will do what outsiders haven't done for us. I will be the one to hold us when we are hurting. I will be the one who stands up and puts down boundaries with others. Even in that, I can't do it all. I'm one head mate and we have one human body.

We still need community, externally. As for where to find a safe community? I haven't figured out where to look. Finding community on limited funds and transportation is hard.

Well we thought the trans community would have been safe but turns out unless you conform to what some "white trans femmes want", which is don't talk about your experiences with inner trans community struggles at all period, you aren't worthy of being in their presence. That's racism on top of the fact that trans people who don't fit into a box, being "othered" by their own community. - VLC Dante

So, there is a huge problem with community and tribes in general. They seem to become fascist or bullies in the end. -VLC Bailey

They become so "one size fits all" that anybody who doesn't fit the mold or disagrees is removed. A community based on fear and staying in a box and where you can't disagree is not a safe community! - VLC Red Bird

If we want diversity, equity, inclusion and accommodations then we gotta have to put our egos f**king down instead of fear differences, try to give people chances, have some grace for human flaws and people struggling with systemic issues as well as the very real problems that are put upon poor people and low income people. People are barely surviving in places. That's not how the USA should be! It is more than unfair. Its abuse! Institutional abuse of people.

I digress but that's where my team has found themselves today as one messed up thing happened after another and we just collapsed, it became overwhelming, tested our integrity, tested our resolve and it was hard not to go back to self-harm, extremely today.

I am the God of Protection or Main protector. So I will stand with my shield against this world, to make sure that my team knows they are loved, protected and that yes, their feelings matter to me, even if outside people insist that our feelings don't matter like two people that did that to us today.

As for the team, they are more centered, finally. Today, was a massive what feels "FAILURE" due to government agencies not communicating, not a surprise, and stress on how to solve four problems that impact our whole life like right away plus outside people making things much worse.

We shouldn't have to do this alone....and yet...when my team asks for help, we never get the help. Its a continual problem.

We tried changing the way we talk about what we need. We tried writing it down. We tried different people. Same result.

So why ask for help if we don't get help? Its exhausting trying over and over to get help but finding none. - 16 year old.

That's what my team is feeling right now. We feel like a lot of humans are useless and that maybe its better to just let the USA destroy itself, also. Its not like the USA cares about us at all. I dunno what the right course is anymore.

I have lost faith in society completely. All we can do is...try. Yoda can go eat sh*t.

So, I hope to find people who are about making community to better each other not tear each other down. Finding what we can do to support each other not anything else.

This infighting and structural failure of government programs and communities, add racists, classicism, Patriarchy, ableism and sanism, then there we go that's why this is a sh*t stew and this isn't how community or society should be like.

So, how do we change things? It starts with individuals...and builds from there. If one community is sh*t. Move on. Find another one. Its hard but sometimes its not worth it to waste time with leaders who just are on a power trip. Gross.

We are stronger together than separate. But we first have to put our prejudices and egos aside.

That's really the hard part.

~ VLC God of Protection Jareth Killias