Why do we all not see each other?

Member of The Valerian Legion, a Complex D.I.D. "mixed origin"/Plural system. Rünë Mëdïvh Warlöcke. Age 16 sometimes other times 23. Age Slider.

December 11, 2025

Riverside, CA

3:47 pm PST

I'm angry. I've been pist off before but this is overwhelming. People just don't listen. I wrote things and did things that was wrong I get that. But did you once ask why?

Did you ask what is truly wrong with your heart. Why are you so upset?

I feel forgotten like a lost book dusted off for only some days. Right now im sitting outside hoping I get a job and a car. Praying?

Please. If Jesus and God really care they wouldn't let me suffer like i am now. I want to be heard on my anger. I read this article that said anger is the part of you that loves you.

Maybe I was wrong. I own that but I will always keep trying to do the right thing.

But couldn't ypu just try to forgive me? Hello? I'm in pain and I don't know very many outlets for anger. I'm also autistic adhd.

What i experienced at psych wards was horrific. I will never go back no matter what. I'd rather be chopped in half then ever go there again.

It was abusive and invasive and cruel. They forced us on meds that we've already previously been on and went psychotic on. The meds did the exact same things as before. We got tremors and had several psychotic breaks because we have Dissociative identity disorder not bipolar at all!

We have complex ptsd from abuse and r*pes also. They ignored how traumatized we were and didn't listen to multiple alters speaking they just deemed us crazy and gave us an anti-psychotic that historically does nothing but make us lose our mind.

I hate the several hospitals and two psych wards for what they did to us. I will never trust those places again. They can go f**k themselves.

D.I.D. is not super rare. That's a myth! Look it up. Also no, not all trauma makes a D.I.D. system. We researched this to make sure. There is so much research that is just blatantly wrong and I feel really misunderstood.

Even our own current therapist is pretty clueless. She kept calling us "parts" which is f**king rude and disrespectful!

If you want to know us then just simply ask questions. Frankly, this is the reason we are going back to school to become a therapist.

There is too many people who are absolutely in the wrong about mental health and don't take the time to listen or ask the correct questions.

It has left us feeling lost, frustrated and overwhelmed and truthfully angry. If you aren't going to try to get to know us, all of us, then why waste our time which is very precious?

You could just simply ask the deep questions you know. We are okay being an open book to some. But others just simply judge us without considering all the facts.

I own my failures but I will not be defined by them anymore. I am a fighter, a warrior, a writer, an artist, a poet, a dreamer, a justice bringer, a hope around the corner type.

I'm not the Loki in the system but I am loyal and I will never do what I did ever again. I've learned my lessons and I accept them.

So if you care to sit awhile and hear me out maybe you will find wisdom in my words. Never trust abusers. Never trust men who only wanted to bang you but when you asked for their help they abandoned you in you're ocean.

I forgive all of them regardless because that's who I am. I am able to find forgiveness but trust is a hard thing. I trust carefully. I don't want to end up hurt again like it was last time.

When I finally break the mold and become fully 25 or adult rather as an alter aka cohort. I will be better equipped to tackle the problems but until then, im processing my trauma and trying to be good or am I just evil and a vampirian monster?

That's the truth. I'm both. I'm good and evil. Both dark and light. I chose to be the gray medium. The in-between.

See the signs have been pointing all over to take rest and center. I'm trying, just my anger is like a raging ox in The Last Unicorn.

Why am I so locked down with anger? Because I feel pulled back, held back and like im just playing a waiting game to achieve the things I desperately want.

I could list them but I don't think that's necessary. Instead, I will keep fighting to achieve them. I promise I will not give up or surrender to endings. Instead I surrender and submit to new beginnings, new starts, new paths and the hope that tomorrow will be a even better day.

That's all I got. A hope and a prayer. Doesn't matter to whom I pray. I pray to all the Gods and Goddesses and even Buddha himself that we are successful and achieve all the things. All of them!

Love,

Rünë Mëdïvh Warlöcke

Member of The Valerian Legion

Not THE Chaos Warlock

Just a member