Feeling Invisible and the Guardian

Written by Kieran Z Abaddon & Arlo Tailsen Blaidwen aka Blackstrike & Blake Tallon

Joined by The Guardian, Merlin, Bhaal Hellraiser and a few others.

February 6, 2026

Kieran Zenithal Abaddon (age 35 Nonbinary/Demiboy. They/we pronouns. Rarely she/her.)

Trigger warnings: Su*de mention.

I don't know how to talk about it. So I am just going to talk.

Most of my life I have been through abuse, mistreatment, cruelty, with sprinkles of good here and there. I say "sprinkles of good here and there" with sarcasm.

People tell me just keep trying. Oh go to therapy. Oh take meds.

That's literally all I've done since I was 16. It hasn't changed anything. Well me sort of. But my situation? Never.

When you grow up in abuse, people don't care about it. They won't help you either. All the lies I was told about how I can rely on others and feel accepted and comforted is LIES. I feel abandoned by humanity and like most humans are f**king evil.

I don't get to be seen and heard. I am seen as a monster. A freak. A creature. I've been dehumanized so f**king much that I don't know how to handle it anymore. Last year, we were attacked and abused on and off for three months. It was so bad! We try to talk about it. Sometimes its like we just want to talk about the good and make it sound good but it was f**king awful.

I don't have any more hope to give. All I'm doing is crying. That's all I do now. Crying is f**king gross.

I feel like my lot in life was just to be abused. So far that's how its been. You will say to me go pick better people. Like that's not obvious.

Dude I am trying. I am. There is a lot of "BAD PEOPLE" out there.

As is evidenced by like the f**king maga cult and stupid, violent evil people.

All I want is to be free. To no longer be tormented.

If you only care about me when I want to off myself, then you don't really care about me. I shouldn't have to reach crisis to be cared about. That's how I feel right now. Lost. Broken.

I'm just here, if anyone actually gives a f**k.

Response from Arlo:

Kieran, please stop.

That's it! I'm here too!

Kieran we doing this on here?

Kieran: yea, people need to hear this don't they too?

Okay. fine. But this is about you and me and our system.

Kieran, We deserve love. We deserve to be happy. We deserve good things. We deserve to be seen and heard. To be treated with dignity and respect. To be cared about. To be comforted. To be hugged. To relax. To feel safe. We deserve all of that because we just do. No human should have to suffer like us either. All humans should be treated with love and dignity.

I can't undo the damage that so many evil, cruel, stupid POS humans have done to us. But I can say that I will do whatever it takes to get us out of poverty and free us from our abuser and I will do this without violence. And you are not alone. We have a whole system of people, who are on your side. We also have loving people that are chosen family.

I'm sorry that most humans seem to be shit to us. I don't know what humans problem are. Stupid humans.

I think its a species problem or something.

Human as a species pretty much is just f**king cruel but not all humans. I mean there has been some really amazing people. We can't forget them.

At least with a Lion, I know he's trying to eat me because he's hungry. Lion's don't play mind games and abuse before killing me. Lions don't R*pe humans as far as I know.

If people in our life aren't listening, then we will keep shouting and posting and making art and videos until someone F**KING LISTENS TO US! Find new people too.

And also you know I am like part of the system yea?

We council members right?

Personally, I think us head mates/alters are better than human beings.

So ask me for help instead.

We are the reason, we haven't died yet.

You, humans, are not us. We are not you. We are head mates...alters...different souls in one body. I don't care if you don't believe us on that. You can go f**k yourself if you think being an head mate is bullshit.

I truly think if you want "FREEDOM" then you better show up more in our lives because why should THE LEGION, help all of you stupid humans, when all you do is ABUSE US! STUPID F**KING HUMANS!

Y'ALL CAN'T EVEN LISTEN FOR ONE F**KING MINUTE TO INDIGNEOUS PEOPLE'S NEEDS AND BLACK PEOPLE'S NEEDS! Y'ALL IGNORE TRAUMA SURVIVORS, WHICH LITERALLY STRETCH ACROSS THE F**KING BOARD IN ALL SECTORS.

Look I am 5'3", weigh about 149. I'm pale skinned. I'm transgender nonbinary. And a bunch of other shit.

Id rather save my system first and make sure we are okay. No going around it.

So, Kieran, I won't let you do thatt, off us. We deserve happiness. We deserve freedom just as much as others do too. Stay alive and ask for help from our partner and the system from now on. Please honey. Please.

Recent memory: The Mystery Presence

I, Kieran, was sitting on the bed in the hotel crying non-stop. Hearing all the negative voices of my abusers and the jeers and I felt like I was going to die and was going crazy. Then for reasons I can't explain.

He came out. Whoever "he" is.

He calls himself The Guardian. But tonight I finally got his name. Loki, God of Mischief.

Our Loki Laufeyson aka The God of Stories was no where to be found. Only this mysterious presence. This didn't feel like a head mate or alter or cohort as you would call them.

I don't know what is going on but he said to me and the system:

I refuse to let you off yourself. I worked too hard to get us here and to save you. I will not let you do this to yourself and the system, Kieran. I'm getting you food, you will take your meds, (he ended up taking them for us) and I will put you in bed. I will not abandon you in your hour of need. I see you and I hear you. F**K EVERYBODY who abandoned you, when you needed them most. Humans, f**king c**ts.

IThis feels like some *divine intervention* going on or something.

He comes and goes like a soft, gentle breeze. When he returns I feel safe and secure. When he's away, its like I still feel connected somehow. Today is the first day back at home, that I felt freer than I've ever felt.

His presence is like a calm companion beside me. I don't know how this happened. But I'm grateful. Something within wants us alive.

Perhaps we all need this guy? I mean he's pretty awesome. So far all he does is companion with us. He checks on us. He is kind. He is comforting. He is loving. Maybe he's the us we want to be? Maybe he's the watcher from afar? I dunno. Maybe he really is Loki God of Mischief? I dunno, dude.

He keeps saying it doesn't matter if he's because of our need for a good man in our life, or our need for a protector or to fill a void. It doesn't matter. He's just now here for us.

He wants us to know that he is OUR guardian and once we are stabilized, then he will help outside people (people that aren't in our system) fight the "shitty humans". I dunno exactly what that means but okay cool!

Written by Blake Tallon

The Legion is a showy type of system. We like to be seen as a trouble maker, but we are also compassionate and loving. We do have rage issues, that we are actively working on.

Didn't realize we had that. You know the rage issues. - Merlin frowns. It fucking sucks too!

"Yea, Merlin, it fucking makes sense though." - Bhaal Hellraiser

"Let's all sit down and figure this shit out, yea?" - Captain James.

"Very well, you POS." - Relgeth.

Blake folded his fingers together and interlaced them. Sitting back in the command chair of the bridge of The Death's Shroud Ship that orbits the planet Mythikanus (Its a temporary name okay! I know I want a better name okay? - Merlin. Jeez I know ick. - Blake). The planet is where most alters/head mates stay.

Merlin: We have slowly shifted from cohorts and alters to headmates. We like that term best.

Blake, has black short hair with a emo piece of hair over one eye. The hair is has a red ombre near the top. He has two little black horns with dark red tips. He has eyeline on. On his nose is a black spider septum ring. Both ears are decorated with black earrings of all kinds. Around his neck is a red leather and black chain collar with the words: Sex God on it and also, a black spider necklace with a red gem dangling below it. Two vampire bites can be seen on his neck. He was turned by Dax, awhile ago.

His jacket is the band jacket from My Chemical Romance with a MCR shirt underneath. On his hands is many rings and bracelets. His waist is a black studded belt on black skinny, ripped jeans and his feet are two black gothic boots with chains on them.

"What?" said Relgeth, after getting looks from the others in the command bridge.

Blake furrowed his brow. "I want to be crystal clear. We can't keep fighting each other inner world. We need to figure out how to work together and love each other. The fact that I'm saying this is huge. I'm normally not this fuzzy. It's weird. Anyways, I'm the emo hipster vampire saying fucking nut up. Stop being stupid. We gotta get our shit together."

Merlin nodded. "Yea, we need to figure out how to deal with this hopeless place? The Dark place whatever the fuck it is?"

Relgeth sighed and put his hands on his chin. "I really hate that place. Its like a dark cloak when it comes. It runs us down and makes us scared and makes us think we are gunna die, that we aren't seen and heard, that we are useless, bad, ugly, stupid."

Intense maniacally laughter erupts from Bhaal. "Look."

Bhaal looks around irritated. "Guys, please stop making me sound like Jason Statham. Its seriously starting to piss me off. Not okay!"

A sound of a sorry echoes into the room.

Merlin rolls his eyes. Relgeth facepalms. Blake flicks a fang in his mouth. Together they say, "RUNE KNOCK IT OFF DUDE!"

After a few moments, Bhaal tests his voice. "Hello? Hello. There we go. Jeez. Now, how do we deal with abusers outer world?"

"By ignoring them? Walking away?" Says Merlin, eagerly.

"By placing them in the category of unsafe. And unsafe means they are not safe to be around. To associate with or really include in our life. We can still care about them if they are someone we want to include in our life but we don't' owe them anything and we certainly don't need to keep dealing with abuse of any kind," says Relgeth.

Blake nods. "Cool, we are on the same page."

"Look here," Bhaal smirks, "We got a team member outside of us now. I mean this Mr. X is helpful."

Blake looks around nervous, "Guys, are we sure we can trust, Mr. X? I mean this is kind of scary a little bit. He could be secretly a dangerous person?"

Bhaal smirks again. "I'm not worried."

Blake nods.

Merlin sighs. "I hope so. We still need actually more people to help us with our plan to save the U.S.A. I feel like we are just a bunch of stupid children playing around. Thinking we can actually save the U.S. We aren't Captain America you know!"

Bhaal laughs. "No, we are better. We the villain. We the weirdo. We the nerdy dorky dude whose Autistic and has ADHD. We da the Legion. So, if people don't want us to help them, well that's fine. Let them rot. We can't help anyone, if they don't' want help. I know that now. I know it as deeply as I know about helping our outer world family."

Sniffles and tears well up as Kieran enters. "I just wish, mom, would go to therapy. That she work on herself."

Blake crosses his arms. "She is not going to work on herself, Kieran. She has chosen a life of misery and will probably despise us for leaving but that's a her problem, not a us problem. We must let go of her being the mom we wanted her to be. Its sad but she will never understand our situation or us. She does still care but we can't live with her anymore. Its just not safe for our mental health."

Bhaal nods. "I agree with Blake. I'm sorry."

Merlin gets up and hugs Kieran. "I'm right here. I love you."

Kieran begins to deeply cry. "I hate how I always cry so much guys. Its exhausting."

Relgeth coughs. "I get it. Crying sucks. But its honest. And could be anxiety. We won't let you ever cry alone again. We have learned that now. I'm so sorry we didn't support each other like this before. We didn't know to."

Kieran rubs their eyes. "Its okay. You didn't know. I'm still upset with you guys for not knowing but its not your fault. We were never taught any of this."

Bhaal gets up and wraps his big arms around Kieran. "Its going to be okay. We will get through this."

Kieran looks around nervous. "Um, Bhaal, are you hugging me and Merlin???"

Merlin laughs. "Holy shit. Bhaal, the murderer maniac in the system, Mr. Big EVIL Prosecutor, has suddenly become a fluffy hugger. Wow."

Bhaal sighs in annoyance. "What's with calling people fluffy?"

Merlin shrugs. "I think its because it makes me smile. I love you guys."

Bhaal snickers. "What? I can be cute and loving."

Everybody shifts uncomfortably.

"Yup." Blake says, looking awkward.

Merlin through the hug snorts.

Kieran laughs.

Relgeth shakes his head.

"So what is our plan of attack when we get hopeless?" Relgeth asks.

Bhaal smirks. "We team up. We attack the hopelessness. Its not like we've tried that before right?"

"Right guys?" Says a Blaze, who walks in like he's the shit.

Blazing orange hair, long black coat with flames emblazoned on it. Multiple golden rings, black goth boots and a glowing orange fire crest on his check.

"Ah, The Firelord has arrived," says Relgeth, with a snort.

"HEY!" Complains Blaze.

"Look, whatever Relgeth. As for me. Yea, we got this. F**k off dark place. We got a busy week and we are getting a car and getting stuff into storage and moving out this month. We got a lot of shit to do! Freedom!"

Kieran sighs. "Focus on us, for the moment? And then help everybody after? I feel bad."

Merlin grabs Kieran's shoulders. "Kieran, we can't save anyone. We can't challenge the government or do Mr. X's plan until we are safer. We can't even emotionally regulate well while we are in this situation. Just focus on getting through this shit. We are on our way to fulfilling our duties for them."

Blake nods. "They may not understand why we had to wait but they will have to. The people needing freedom will have to wait till we can have transportation and a clear mind. Can't have a villain with a overwhelmed brain from abuse right?"

Kieran nods.

Blaze smirks. "This right now is our trial. We will pass it. Just focus on the goals."

Blaze looks at the viewer. "Look guys, we are in an abusive situation. We don't have income at all. We don't have a car. Its impossible to help anyone without some things in place. Mr. X even agrees with that. We love you all. We are ignoring the problem. We just are scared for us in this situation."

The Guardian: "I am here for the Legion first. When they are safe, I will help everybody else."

Much love,

The Valerian Legion aka The Chaos Warlock