Day 9: What happened during the 3 months 2025?

Written by Arlo Tailsen Blaidwen aka Blackstrike

January 3, 2026

How we defeated a PTSD episode today: I was sitting in the car and flashbacks of the scary medication, that made us loose our mind, came back all at once like a horror scene. Instead of letting it happen. I took a deep breath and I said to myself:

"NO, brain that is the past not the present. I don't live there anymore! I am not helpless! But I love you. I'm sorry you went through that. We are not on that medication anymore. We will never go back on that medication. I am loved. I am safe now. I am accomplishing tasks. I can kick azz. I saved my butt during that medication. I could have died but I didn't. I instead fought to stay alive.

Somebody was looking out for me during that 3 month nightmare but it wasn't all a nightmare. I know it to the very fiber of my soul, someone was protecting me. Whether it was God, the Guardian alter named Lloyd aka L, both or other Gods and Goddesses. I was protected.

One place, I was told to leave because Satan had taken my soul and I was possessed by the darkness but another scorned the guy and said can't you see this one is blessed by God? Yea that was a f**king weird situation.

At one place I ran into a Chaplain in a hospital, who cursed me for practicing witchcraft and said my soul was going to hell, to which I replied, we are already there you fool. Wake the f**k up. And no my soul is saved but how about yours? You right with God? Maybe judge not lest ye be judged ay?

He didn't like my redirect. It was f**king funny. I am a sarcastic ahole sometimes.

I just know that I'm a lot stronger than I was before and I know how to talk to street people and I can snap both my fingers on either hand.

I can tell you that I smoked a cigarette during that time period, but just one. The lady laughed and said I was a pro at smoking. I was like ummm...I quit nearly 5 years ago, so this was my first time since then. She said well you make it look good. I was embarrassed lol. I learned how to silently move without being heard, because danger lurks around corners, when you are lost in a city and on the streets with no car. I can be persuasive.

My friend on the street taught me that. I can hot wire a car to help a stranger. I can sleep on the concrete, if need be. I tamed a squirrel and actually had it get me something. Yea...um...long story on that situation.

I soothed a vicious dog and got it to roll over for me so it didn't hurt this kid. I learned that you must maintain a steady breath and appear calm and not afraid. The big dog relaxed. Truly, pretty scary but Jareth had that one! Jareth inner world is a werewolf. So I dunno, I guess he knows how to handle scary dogs!

I met people who just gave me freaking money for no reason. I was like asking them for directions and they straight up, without me asking, handed me like $50 dollars. Guess that's white privilege bs. Or because I looked innocent. I dunno.

I had a voodoo practitioner named Big Mike, say that Papa Legba surrounded me and that I was spirit-touched in a good way. Then we had a shot of whiskey together, while he told me about his ex-girlfriend he loved and missed. I gave him dating advice and we talked about 90s music and how he thought that America was not freedom anymore. I miss Big Mike.

I was able to find resources, take rides from strangers, while being very careful with hitch-hiking. I helped a homeless woman with her stuff. I helped another one to a hospital because she'd injured her leg and was too scared to enter by herself.

I protected another homeless black woman, Lucille, from being r*ped actually. I was almost ready to throw hands with the POS. I sometimes wonder, how all those people are doing. I worry about them. I think of them. I remember that they have hearts and souls too. That they matter too. And each of them I got to know. It was hard with what happened. But I found Magick and dreams despite the horror. I'm not kidding. I will say restaurants are very understanding and give you water if you ask nicely. One place gave me a whole meal for free and gave me a hug. They said that wouldn't let anyone starve especially a transgender person.

It was a hard lesson. We achieved staying alive and are no longer doing any of the things we did before that were harmful. First off, quit drinking. No longer smoke weed except very rarely. Eat healthier food. Weigh now 146 instead of 170. Stopped self-harming completely. Never did end up doing drugs because we just told them nah not for me. The drug addict was impressed. He said you are too smart for your own good. We now think materialism is f**king weird. Money is pretty much BS but still a necessary evil.

Our language has changed to that of love, safety, letting go of the past actually, hope and freedom. We still struggle with the scary parts of the 3 month adventure or nightmare depending on how you look at it.

I found using my scary voice actually protected me from bad situations on the streets. I went full vampire on someone, just in acting, no actual biting or anything. They truly took us seriously and stopped trying to mug people. It was rather fun actually. I became the local protector in this one area of CA. It was pretty rad. And I know how to get water. Get food. Find clothing. Protect myself without anyone or anything.

Remembering all of that and now sharing with you all helps us. We forgave that us in that memory and imagined hugging them for the bad bits like um trying to steal a car one time. Yea...didn't go through with it. Was like yea nah don't want to go to jail. I was desperate. I ended up locking the guys car instead since he left the keys in there. I found him and gave him his keys. He was like, "Oh shit thanks."

I went to two Catholic churches and there I received love, food, water and directions. When I went to the Christian Church, they were like ewww transgender person. Not the Catholic churches though! So...I find that rather amusing...and slightly ironic? Maybe?

One guy gave me his rosary and told me, be God's friend because I was blessed despite what was going on. I never gave up hope. I never did. I lost the desire to end my life completely. Instead I rose up. I never did have to fist fight anyone thankfully. Though I got free martial arts lessons from this one black guy, who was pretty freaking cool. I wish I could have gotten all their numbers.

Maybe one day I will go back to the areas I was and seek them out and see if I can help them when I'm in a slightly better financial situation.

Like a shock, the flashbacks stopped just like that. Then I said to myself: ready steady. Its my cue to center and ground myself. I've been working on it for a long time now. It f**king worked.

F**k you PTSD. I know how to deal with your stupid f**king azz now!

And I know how to survive when you have nothing but the clothing on your back and the one thought, survive and get home. Though I never wish what happened to me to anyone, I am more resilient than I was before. A few new alters unfortunately, but I mean...small price to pay for surviving nightmare medications that should NEVER have been given to us in the first place.

So there I shared snippets of the experiences of that 3 months. 3 months of survive till you can get home with nothing but your clothing and shoes, after having my purse, laptop, wallet and phone stolen. One point I ended up having to buy a new wardrobe because my other had been taken by the hospital and they didn't give it back. Yea f**k you hospital.

I sometimes wish the French woman at the L.A. train station was someone I'd kept in contact with. She was so freaking hot and very smart! Dam, miss you hotness. Never did date her or anything but she was so cool. She loved leather suitcases with stickers on them and tea with expresso in it. I know weird right?

She, also, loved Persian cats and hated creepy men. She said I wasn't creepy just weird. LOL. I talked about Dungeons and Dragons to her and she said she'd consider looking into going to a gaming shop when she got home. I was excited. YES!

Sometimes f**ked up shit happens. It does. But, instead of cowering from that, I'm instead reflective and actually feel like society is f**king stupid.

F**KING STUPID. Homeless people are not all dangerous. Scary. Evil. Bad. I met some of the sweetest, kindest, honest people. I met scared, lonely people. I tried to help them despite my own situation.

One guy I wonder if he ever kicked his meth habit? I was worried about him. I did have a honest discussion with him about it and helped him to see that he wasn't a horrible person just wounded and needing therapy and to stop doing meth so likely rehab. I don't know if he took my words to heart but it seemed like he did. He said it was the first time anybody had made him feel loved and cared about.

THIS. This is what love is about. This is what people lack. You don't see them do you? Or if you do you see creeps and dangerous folks?

But that's not all that homeless people are. They are people. They are real. They have hearts. They have souls. They have feelings. They matter too.

It is because of them that I want to affect change so badly. I'm sick of just being disabled and hoping disability comes my way. Forget it. I give up on disability SSI. They don't care about disabled people. They don't. Even with a lawyer. Even with my medical and mental health diagnoses, evidence and pain.

So, I will not give up on trying to affect change somehow. I will not surrender to being smashed down anymore. I am not a weak person. I survived being homeless on medication that made me psychotic. Yup. That was scary ASF. But I faced the situation with a I'm going to get through this and get home thought. I prayed too, I dunno, I'm pretty sure Jesus and several others watched over me.

So, call me a rebel scum. Call me lame. Call me insane. Call me stupid. Go ahead. You can F**K RIGHT OFF! I am stronger than those who just always have a cushy bed and job. It wasn't chosen to be homeless. It wasn't. It was bad circumstances but I made the best of it. And I see courage. I see it. I see selflessness. I see I could make bad decisions but I turned away from them.

So I dunno. I feel pretty conflicted about what happened but I do know that those experiences give me hope and a purpose. To help others. To save others in a healthy way. So while that's not the thoroughly detailed story I was gunna share I instead give you the cool parts and the somewhat scary parts. I didn't include it all because it was three months. A LOT HAPPENED.

I love you all.

Love,

Arlo Tailsen Blaidwen aka Blackstrike along with the new alters: The Guardian - Lloyd aka L, Veronika, Hosanna, Rune Medivh Warlocke, Drac aka The Darkness, Aries Aka God of War, Thor aka God of Lightning. Alters that have a been around for a longer time: Merlin, Amari, Ash, Umess, Loki Laufeyson - God of Stories, Tiberius the Barbarian Squirrel, Voidius aka God of the Void, Lord Leonides Zeratul and Prince Naberius.