Day 13: Red bird brings news & A New Approach

Written by Jareth Killias (The Knight of the Valerian System i.e. Main Protector and Member on The Valerian Legion Council) & Rune Medivh Warlock (15 year old rebel brat.)

January 12, 2026

Jareth is blue writing

Rune is black writing

Trigger warning: for general talk about abuse in a psych ward. Nothing detailed we promise!

In our system is some strange occurrences, but I mean its dissociative identity disorder, of course there is going to be strange things.

This one though falls into the category of, "what do I even do about this and how do I process this?"

I had previously, the night before today, had gotten fed up with our PTSD flashbacks and the bullshit, its what I call it now. Enough already! I mean 15 flashbacks before breakfast? Like I got things to do and places to visit and goals to accomplish dude, give it a f**king rest, you stupid f**king brain.

Look when those traumatic events happened, I was not in a place to understand, cope with or handle what was the right thing to do in those moments. It's not my fault!

I forgive myself and the others, for our not the best decisions and for missing cues and missing indicators that I should have put boundaries down and done more. You don't know until you know. Beating myself up for what I failed to do in the past isn't going to change it, right?

I can't keep holding those abusers in my mind and getting angry. It's been so long. Can't I just let it go finally? That is what at least I keep thinking. My PTSD on the other hand is a horrible and stup*d POS. It's like my brain is a stupid teenager, (me looking at Rune in the corner of the room), who thinks they know better and is acting out like immaturity wise or something. - Jareth

I realize I was not being considerate nor compassionate in the heat of the moment but I just finally was f**king fed up. So I called my PTSD names and cursed it and I told it to f**k off. It felt good, I'll admit but I'm not sure it was a good idea. At least I felt like it was.

Yea, that wasn't, in hindsight, a good idea dude. - Jareth

Then the night happened. Oh boy did my brain become a vindictive POS! Holy F**K! I had nightmares glalore and I kept waking up with sweats and freaking out. I'm like you know brain, you could be less of an asshole to me. Like dude, we have to live with each other. The very least you could do is f**king explain, why you are being so shitty to me!

I spent the time, waking up because Rune woke up, and rubbing our arm and chest and telling him its going to be okay and that he is loved and is safe. I had to keep reminding him, he was just in bed and not in those memories or nightmares. I felt so bad. Poor Rune really is struggling the most with our experiences from 2025. - Jareth

I woke up crying. I'll admit it. I was not well rested. I mean waking up every hour really does ruin the get "8 hours of sleep to be well rested vibes". I was really at my breaking point, almost in the morning. I cried and I looked around my environment and then I went outside and sat on the cold concrete area near the house and looked up at the sky and I just thought to myself, why is this such a f**king stupid thing to keep happening to me? Why is it that my brain is acting like a stupid guy or girl in high school, creating drama and excessively being dramatic?

It's because you are a 15 year old alter that's why dude. Hugs. - Jareth

I get it! I know. I was abused and really f**king hurt by intimate partners in the past and family members when I was really little. I get it. It hurt! But can we just skip all this bullshit? Please? For f**king once!

ha, probably not! lol Sorry. ehem. - Jareth

I was fed up, seriously. I went for a walk with my partner and I spent almost the entire time, ranting and getting f**king pist at my brain, the USA, my lack of sleep, my back, my PTSD, my inability to stop the past being a dickwad and keep rubbing it in my face, when I get triggered by something stupid.

When the walk was done I felt I had sufficiently, "Let it out!"

Now Jareth's account:

Then we got in the uber ride and that's when some weird things happened.

I felt a tap on my shoulder inner world. I turned in the captain's chair to look over and standing before me was a, Indigenous person. He had a bandana with a feather in it. On his chest was a beaded chest plate with white beads and some turquoise ones. He had on light beige, leather pants and light beige moccasins with turquoise beads on it.

I sighed. "Okay we need to stop doing what I think is possibly kind of appropriate things in the system like creating alters that are from another culture. Could you not look like that? I mean the body is a pale Hispanic. So can you explain why you look like that?"

The man blinked calmly at me. "I am simply a reminder that Indigenous people exist in the U.S. and I am here to help you."

I pointed at myself. "Who me? Jareth? I'm the main protector. Look if you are new, let's talk about healthy boundaries and you really you want to help me? With what exactly? Are you an alter? Or...?"

He smiled. "Does it matter? An alter I mean. If I am, does that change anything?"

I shook my head. "No. Not really. I guess I just don't want to offend anyone inner world or outer world."

He smiled genuinely. "How is this offensive? Its not your fault or my own. I will not make us wear things that we are not supposed to wear nor announce myself as Indigenous, when the body is clearly not. I am simply a spirit here to guide you."

I sighed. "Not this shit again. Okay look, I doubt you are actually a Indigenous spirit visiting me but what the hell, sure let's talk. I'm surprised, Red bird, hasn't shown up. Its kind of odd actually."

Just then a familiar alter, Red Bird, flew in on her cardinal bird form, to land on the floor near the man and then transform into her usual self. She had high cheekbones, a broad face, dark eyes and hair with a prominent nose. She was wearing a regular red shirt and dark brown leather pants. No shoes. She smiled and said to me, "We want to help the system heal. Our spirits are injured by all the past memories. Please let us help."

The man spoke up. "Your werewolf spirit, Jareth, is in turmoil about all the bad news going on in the USA. If you want to help with this situation, we must first turn inward and address the trauma going on first, as much as possible."

I nodded. I understood the wisdom in that statement. I just didn't know how to face the traumas and make them stop doing the flashbacks, the nightmares, the fear, the anxiety, the depression, the distrust of people and places and things. "I want to move on. I just don't know how. None of us do. And you know its not for the lack of trying right?"

The man nodded. He waved and suddenly there was a red door between him and Red Bird. He said to me: "When you are ready, you will step into this and it will take you to the spirit realm, so you can speak with the spirits and gain some insight on what to do."

"Don't you have a name? May I know it?"

He shook his head. "No, I will not give you my name."

"But surely you should have a name? I mean that's like a gift. I don't like you being unnamed, as an alter. That doesn't feel right. I think you deserve that honor. You are just as valuable, as any alter in the system. That is how our system operates. We no longer reject people and we embrace them because when we do they heal, and become part of the team and help instead of hurt. Don't you want a name?"

The man shook his head no. "I appreciate your efforts but I am not here for too long. I don't even remember my tribe anymore. I don't know if I am an alter. A spirit. Or simply a brain device created to help you but does it really matter? Will you listen to me?"

I nodded. "Okay, just for the record this is one of the weirder D.I.D. things we have had. So forgive me if I'm being awkward and weirded out by this."

The man chuckled. "It is okay." Then he called me something in a word I can't even spell or pronounce. "Go into the portal and discover what you need."

Red Bird pipped up. "I will come with you Jareth, to make sure you aren't scared."

The man was unhappy. "No, Red bird, he must do this on his own. Open the red door for him."

Red bird waved her hand and the door slowly opened.

As the red door opened, I saw a swirling vortex of white matter and sparkling light blue stars. I wasn't sure if this was delusional, scary, just a creative D.I.D. moment or what this was. I blinked.

"Step in and face it." The man said. Red Bird squeezed her hands together, looking worried.

"Are you sure Jareth can handle this?"

The man nodded. "I believe he can do this. Even if this feels scary and a bit unusual, would you please at least allow me to give you trust and you to give me trust?"

I nodded. "Okay...fine...please make sure that you let someone else to captain the chair while I'm gone."

He nodded.

I stepped into the portal. Next thing I knew I was traveling through memories. I could see all the abusive people flying by and the memories attached to them like a film or reel of some kind. I wasn't happy but I endured it. Then as I traveled, it began to speed up a bit until I settled on what had happened last year in 2025.

I watched as we endured abuse by the psych ward staff and how we cried a lot when they threatened us with no food for simply saying, please call me sir not mam. This place we had been put against our will, in, was extremely abusive. We had witnessed, an autistic guy, being literally kicked in the "quiet room".

Apparently, this place is known for its cruelty and literally doing nothing but causing trauma to patients who already likely su*c*dal or self-harming or struggling with anxiety and depressive episodes or psychosis etc.

Why were we put there? I still don't understand that logical reasoning fully. We weren't S.I. We didn't self-harm. We weren't spouting nonsense of any kind. We were just scared and crying and nonverbal from a scary car crash. Why did that lead to us being admitted to a psych ward instead of the hospital for our neck injuries?

Our biggest theory was that, it's because when we were in the ambulance they saw we were transgender and called us names actually. "Oh look another one of those mentally ill people who think they can be another gender." I remember one of them said.

I'm not kidding. The ambulance people said that to us, while we struggled to stay awake and not pass out.

I was outraged by what I saw in the Psych ward. I don't remember those days but this was making me remember them like a play through of it all. I was horrified. They treated us like we were stupid and crazy. They treated others the same way. They refused to give us our meds including our testosterone and they called us stupid, crazy, a bad person to our face. They made fun of us at the nurse's station. They denied us food when we asked why they thought that medications were right for us because we have a history of not handling strong meds at all well. Usually we become intolerant to it and allergic as well. It is dangerous to put us on meds without checking our chart or asking us our history.

We have a rare gene that makes our metabolism accelerate. Its hyper metabolism. We found this out when we kept getting allergic to meds we got tested for this. Its not our fault but most places don't seem to consider it and then they go, "OMG and WTF" when we end up with severe and sometimes dangerous side effects within two days of a taking a med. Instead of listening to us about the effects of the meds they had put us on, they increased the dosage as if that would make things sooooo much better.

*F**king morons* (Blaze).

We told them clearly and not in duress, just simply that we had already tried these meds and found they caused us to literally go psychotic and have hallucinations and therefore our own psychiatrist was like, "ummmm yea NOOOOO. This is bad. Let's never put you on strong meds ever again!" She said that it was a bad medication for us and that we need to not to be given these meds ever again. When we explained this, they just smiled and laughed at us and said tough luck you are crazy you deserve this. (I'm not kidding.)

This place was extremely abusive and has caused intense harm to us. When I talk about it to people, they say go sue them. I'm like with what money? You can't just expect a poor person to be able to sue at a moments notice. there is literally nothing much I can do except report them. I did report them.

In my experience, reports don't change anything, so I wasn't hopeful that they would actually do anything to stop this place.

F**k you, Arrowhead Regional Center in Colton, CA. I will never speak well of you and always talk about how you abused me for being transgender and autistic. You did nothing to help my mental health at all. You, in fact, caused a lot of f**king trauma and I hate you guys.

I hope that facility ends up being taken down or those people lose their jobs. I'm serious. I hate them. They are evil people, who don't care about patients, and just basically, imprison them. There is no safety there at all. How is that even helpful for mentally ill people who have like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder or bpd? I mean let alone for D.I.D. systems and people with autism and PTSD.

The entire experience has left us with severe PTSD attacks, well at least in the beginning. We would just cry and shake and hide or run around trying to get the excess fear out of our system. It was awful. We got very little sleep and once we finally were weaned off that disgusting medication, we still cry every now and then thinking about being forced to take meds that make us literally crazy actually.

We are finally in a better place, but it took a lot of work on our end. No therapist was helpful during the after math of the situation and when we finally saw our psychiatrist, she was pist. She was like "What is wrong with these people? Why did they put you on meds, that you literally don't need and are dangerous for you? This is not just irresponsible its dangerous!"

So relieving these memories was horrific but even I agreed necessary. I had no idea it had been that bad! I kind of wasn't out for that time period.

Then I heard a voice over head talking about PTSD. It said that the primal brain is where PTSD is often triggered. Its like in the amgdala or something.

I rolled my eyes. Wow. This was pretty bad science. I laughed. I think I know that voice. "Rune is that you?" I asked.

The voice paused. "Will you just pay attention."

I nodded. "Okay, fine." I sighed, Rune really was rather intense. oh boy.

Then with disbelief, I watched as I witnessed the creepy shadow guy being formed in this black mist area in here. I looked at it, completely confused.

The voice stated. "I saw that we needed a way to actually console our primal brain reactions and PTSD. So in an effort to resolve this...we came up with a way to deal with it...create an alter of it."

I blinked. "Excuse me? An alter of, um, primal brain/PTSD?"

When I blinked again I was sitting back in the command chair. Red bird said to me, distantly, you are welcome. Now you know!"

I patted my thighs. "What the actual f**k? Are f**king kidding me? We created an alter to deal with our PTSD? Literally? Well I guess that's um...creative...okay...wait...that was Drac wasn't it?"

Red Bird's voice vibrated around my head, distant but focused. "Yes. Drac is our primal brain."

"Duhhhhhhh..." said Rune.

I picked my jaw up from hanging open. "You know what this means right?"

"Yes I do," said Red bird.

"We can actually help it...him...er...?"

Rune made a annoyed sound. "He is a him. Hello? Stupid adults."

Drac replied. "I don't like being told to f**k off. Would you please not do that anymore."

I stuttered. "I got it Rune. Sorry. Oh...I'm sorry. Okay. So what is it that you need...um...Drac? Really?"

Drac made slithering sounds behind me. I refused to turn around. I mean can you blame me? I know I'm a werewolf and all but man his many legs and arms and those red orbs for eyes is creepy as f**k. I don't want to look at him. I just can't okay.

Drac stayed 10 feet away from me. "I am not here to harm you." Then he said, "Pain."

Rune stomped his foot. "Way to go, real empathetic Jareth."

I replied, "Rune could you please go somewhere else? I need alone time with Drac. I don't think I can handle a 15 year old and um...yea..."

Rune made a pist off sound. "Fine! I'll leave. Pah. Stupid adult."

I felt instantly sad, Rune wasn't a bad teenager...he was just frustrated and needed more attention than I could give at the moment. Once Rune had left, I watched an Ash trail behind him silently keeping an eye on him and giving me a two finger salute. I turned slightly towards Drac and said, "Drac, I know you are in pain. How can I help you?"

Drac coughed. "I want love. To not be abandoned anymore. To be cared about."

I felt tears come to my eyes a bit. "Okay you are not alone! We do care! Deeply! We love you. I love you. I'm sorry we haven't been the best at helping you. What would help?"

Drac sniffed. "I want to be hugged. I want to be seen. I want to be heard."

I nodded and turned around finally. I had to face this eventually. I know he looked scary but I needed to be brave for f**king once. I needed to let him know he wasn't alone. "Drac, anytime you need cuddles, hugs or to be listened to, you know you can always ask for me or any of the other council members. Maybe not...um...the wannabe council members though. They haven't been properly vetted. I don't think some of them are healed enough to handle responsibilities. Just saying."

Drac hacked. "I understand."

"What else do you need or want, Drac?" I gulped as I saw a strange black inky bubble form on his body and pop. Yikes this was kind of gross a little and creepy.

Drac snorted. "It happens sometimes. Air bubble." Then he wheezed in a creepy voice. "Justice."

I nodded. "I know. I want Justice too. I don't know how, we are ever going to get justice for all the crimes committed against us by those f**king POS men and stuff."

Drac hissed. "Justice for us doesn't exist. We are the poor. There is no justice for abuse victims. I see how the courts are and police. They are bad people. I just want Justice for oppressed. USA."

I blinked. "You want to help them? You do?"

Drac nodded. "Help. Friend."

I felt tears welling in my eyes. "You don't know how happy that makes me feel, Drac. I want to help them too. But we need to figure out this PTSD stuff first. We can't help anyone if we are having panic attacks and freaking out by like, crouching down and shaking. That's going to not look very composed and like someone who knows what their doing, right?"

Drac nodded. "I will help."

Each word was annunciated with a hiss.

Drac backed away. "I don't want to scare anyone. I just want to be loved."

I felt horrible. I was a dick. Okay I admit it. I was absolute the dick before this situation. F**k! So I rubbed my hands together and said, "Drac I am sorry. Please forgive me for being a jerk. That was not okay. I, also, forgive you, let's try to talk more and I will teach you some grounding techniques and self-soothing ones to help you."

Drac nodded. "I want to help everybody. I want to save them. I want to save us. I want to stop the violence. Why do humans forget they are human?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Its like everybody on the one side of politics has lost their humanity for sure. It feels like their brain has thrown them into fight mode. I think they have something like PTSD? Maybe?"

Drac nodded. "Yes, it sure seems like the biggest issue is people are in the state of fight or flight mode and can't center to reach the logic parts of their brain." He stated it like a professor, well announced and educational.

Ash's voice drifted down. "Nah, its cause we got a bunch of Nazis, racists, transphobic, POS people who think being a Christian enables them to be abusive and cruel. Which Jesus would not have supported and in fact called them out on their behavior. Disgusting."

I blinked. "Okay so let's figure out what we can do to help them, right?"

Relgeth strode in. His black leathers, making creaking sounds. Relgeth Darkturrin. He was a tall son of a gun with long black hair, dreads, swirl facial tattoos, a short beard, stache, shades on and a black cowboy hat. Around his neck was a red bandana. He had black chaps on and a western dark brown, leather vest underneath was a white collared shirt. On his vest was a silver star saying "F**k, if I know. Why do we even care about White Christian stuck up people who don't practice what they preach and in fact are devoid of humanity and literally just f**king zombies or robots. They have forgotten how to love and be human frankly. How can you possibly fix that? I don't think there is anything we can do for those types. I think frankly when shit really starts happening, they will be the first to scream martyrdom and go, poor me. They have no humanity for anybody but themselves, selfish bastards."

His boots were black with big spiky black metallic spurs that chimed as he walked. Behind his backside was one black angel wing and one red bat wing on the other side. His tail was a black scaly one that ended in sharp dagger like appendages. He smirked pulling a heart shaped small lollypop out of his mouth.

Relgeth shrugged. "Sometimes you can't help people who don't see a problem with their behavior. They think they are right and that's it. So that's that. Personally, if it were my ability to do so, I'd mentally mind control, those motherf**ckers into not being f**king robots and literally devoid of humanity, Problem solved."

I sighed. "We can't mind control people Relgeth, and secondly, even if we could, the ethics of that is very questionable at best and could really f**k up someone's brain also. Don't be stupid."

Relgeth snorted. "What?" Holding his hands out with a harmless look.

Drac laughed. "I like you."

Relgeth shifted, his spurs ringing again. "Um...thanks. I'm just saying the majority of the side that supports Trump, are comprised of white people who claim to be Christian and love God so much while they are like murder all these people and dump their bodies in the ocean. I mean that's not Christianity. That's genocidal maniacs! There is no negotiating with evil people like that. They are truly less than human."

Another strode into the command center and it was a slinky one. Liandra Nexomar, the Dominatrix of the system. She strode in, cat-walk like and slinked down into a seat nearby. Her purple leather bodysuit, made nice shifting sounds and she cocked her head at Relgeth. "Ohhh, so Mr. Darkturrein himself finally daines himself, worthy enough to visit us finally? What did feather torturing Captain James Neiley, get boring or something?"

Jareth sighed. "Liandra, don't be catty."

Liandra shrugged. "Not my problem."

Relgeth sighed and turned his back to Liandra, his cheeks blushing slightly. "No offense, Liandra but do you really have to wear skin tight bodices all the time? Its kind of..."

Liandra laughed. "Oh...well...guess I will come naked next then? Really give all of you something to talk about!"

Jareth rolled his eyes. "Could we please not make this into a weird thing. Are you two f**king now?"

Relgeth blushed fiercely. "Umm....NO!" He looked away. "I'd rather not talk about stuff like that."

Liandra shrugged. "hahaha."

Jareth nodded. "Yep. Well keep it in the bedroom. Children could be on the bridge. Stop being stupid. I'm talking to Drac, would you two knock it off!"

Relgeth muttered a "Sorry."

Liandra got up and breathed a "My bad" over her shoulder before prancing off to the teleporter.

Relegeth crossed his arms. "Are you going to be okay Drac?"

Drac shuffled on his many legs. One arm, out of the many, moved up to his face to rubbed it. "I am, angry. I am hurt. I am outraged."

Jareth nodded. "I am too."

Relgeth nodded too. "Me three."

Jareth crossed his arms and got up. "From now on I will try to...oh f**k it. Put the word out Relgeth, get all your contacts with the other subsystems. Get them all to come here."

Relgeth blinked. "You mean, um, the main command center? That's a lot of people...that seems not smart."

Jareth cocked his head. "Its high time I give a speech. I'm the main protector. Its my job to make sure morale improves. I mean if we are gunna try to save the USA then we need to learn how to lead right? So let's encourage people. Let's give them a encouraging speech."

Relgeth bobbed his head. "I can see how this might be helpful. Okay fine. I will be back in a few."

Jareth watched as he teleported out. In the next few moments, alters Jareth had never seen actually in person, began to appear and filter in. After a few moments, it was nearly the entire system now present on this command bridge.

I was surprised because I didn't think we all would fit on this bridge but apparently, yes, we can all fit. I looked over all the alters in the room.

I stood up on the command chair. "Ehem. Hear me all of you! We are the Legion! Look at us! I know we have gone through really bad experiences in the past. I know its hard. I know. I'm sorry. I forgive all of you. We can achieve more than what we have. I believe in you. I see a future in which Americans can be not afraid to go to hospitals or call police. Where the elderly can get their meds and transportation on time. Where we stop ICE compleletely from their domestic terrorism. Where we restore mental health treatment to where it should be. Where we make sure that sex traffixed victims are no longer common place. Where abusers and real pedos are no longer supported and protected by the insitutions that claim the law doesn't protect them. We know this simply not the case."

"We will make sure that children don't have to worry about the future and fear being murdered for being transgender and nonbinary. We must find a way forward. The first step is making sure that we work together as a team to achieve this dream for all! So from now on when you are upset, overwhelmed, scared, confused, having PTSD episodes or meltdowns: ASK FOR HELP. You can ask for help from me, the main protector as well as anybody on the council. We are here for you now. We don't want anyone feeling alone or being stuck with despair. You deserve better! So we will work together to help support each other and make a good team yes? I can't hear you?"

Next thing I knew, there was voices of cheers and some people even shouted, "Jareth."

I never felt this before. Its was like my own fan club but I had to stop myself from letting it go to my ego. I don't want to get egotistical. Ew.

I stepped down from the chair and I started greeting people. It was the most exciting experience, I have ever had before with the system. As I shook hands and met them, I couldn't help thinking if we can achieve healing as a team...then imagine what outside people from different backgrounds and life walks can accomplish if we can find a way to work together!

I leave you with the hope that if this D.I.D. System known as The Valerian Legion, can do it...then you guys can too. You can. Don't give up. Never surrender!

Love,

Jareth Killas and Rune Medivh Warlock.