Psych Wards are Prisons and Dangerous!

Written by Amari Shaamuthi & Darkstarkiller

Trigger warning: Psych ward abuse we experienced. If this is upsetting just imagine how we felt enduring this BS.

So, you think Psych wards help people? I got news for you. NO, THEY DO NOT!

Last year, I got into a car accident, that wasn't my fault. I was transported to Arrowhead Regional Center in Colton, CA, where instead of taking me to the hospital part, they decided to put me in the psych ward section instead.

Before you say but why? I will explain. Here is the key things.

1) We just cried and was nonverbal. We were scared because it was a scary car accident in which the air bags popped out in front of our face. We had to climb out of the window of the car. Understandably, we were shaken and scared. We didn't say anything to elicit thinking we were having a mental health crisis.

2) When we were in the ambulance, we said we had hit our neck somehow on the steering wheel and was scared we need a blood transfusion. I know...believe me that was a weird thing to say but we were dissociated, scared, overwhelmed and confused a little by the pain and trauma that just happened.

3) They called us she/her and we asked them to not refer to us as that. Instead to use they/them or he/him. They said no. Then made fun of us. They laughed at me while I was in pain. I'm not kidding. Then I passed out and woke up in a strange room where they made me undress and strip literally everything off. So f**king uncomfortable and inappropriate. Then they asked me questions and made me sit in this hallway to check me in.

4) Things might have been solved if I had been in the right state of mind. Instead, Loki stood up and announced he was God of Stories and was not going to tolerate being mistreated and kind of ranted a bit. They obviously don't know what D.I.D. is. So that probably didn't help the situation. Yes...Loki is extremely embarrassed by that and hates that happened. He will never do that again.

5) They put in there and when I told them I need my Lexapro, Hydroyxzine and Testosterone they said NO. They then forced me to take Risperdone and Lithium for some f**king reason. I told them I cannot have that medication. That I've already tried that medication and it made me crazy and it offered me NOTHING BENEFICIAL AT ALL. That my psychiatrist knows me best and is the reason I'm on Lexapro and Hydroyzine only because I have a rare gene that gives me ultra metabolism and that's why most meds do not work or I get all the side effects and serious ones too. That's why I have a gene sight and am not allowed to take anti-psychotics because they do not help me because I DON"T NEED THEM.

6) They didn't listen to me about that nor about the fact that I wear glasses always and that mine had gotten lost in the crash and therefore I couldn't see anything. They also didn't believe me about my dairy problem and kept giving me dairy.

7) When I reported that I was having hallucinations and paranoid thoughts on these medications and tremors so therefore I needed to be taken off these f**king meds and that I wasn't going to take them anymore. They took me upstairs held me down by 6 men and ripped my pants down to shove a needle into my ass. I screamed out "Don't rape me" several times because I'm autistic and this was extremely triggering and scary.

8) The entire time I was called names, misgendered, denied my Testosterone, denied that my side effects were causing a psychotic break and a nurse condemned me and threw bible verses at me and said I would burn in hell. I told her to go f**k off because I was formerly Christian and I know the bible probably better than she did. So I knew that this place wasn't following patient rights.

9) I demanded to see the patient advocate. They denied me seeing her for almost a week on purpose because? I'm transgender. They kept increasing the medication dosage on the Risperdone and lithium and gave me another medication that I didn't know the name of. I asked what the medication was and they wouldn't tell me. Again another violation of patients rights.

https://code-medical-ethics.ama-assn.org/ethics-opinions/patient-rights

10) when I finally did get out they tossed me out literally onto the street even though I told them I needed a ride back home. I had to wander around until I could find some strangers to literally drive me back to my partner.

11) When I returned I was traumatized and still on that f**king medication that they didn't give me more refills for so I ran out and I tried to get a refill and reach my psychiatrist to get back on Lexapro and Hydroyzine but couldn't. So I did what many D.I.D. systems do that get put on this medication. I eloped. I ran around. I babbled because I was having active hallucinations.

12) They allowed a patient to attack me several times until I fought back and then they put her in confinement to protect her from me. All I did was push her away from me when she tried to punch me.

This didn't stop the problems, once I left. I ended up because of those f**king medications eloping around neighborhoods completely blitzed beyond my mind and confused as f**k. This happened for 3 months on and off as I tried to figure out how to get help to get home and get my medications back and get off fucking Risperdone and Lithium. People on the streets helped me. People in the hospitals tortured me actually. I was at three hospitals. All three denied me food, water and it wasn't because I was violent. It was because I spoke out against the abuse they visited me for being transgender.

What is eloping? Here: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autism-elopement/?gc_id=22664400159&g_special_campaign=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22679376862&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgvPKBhCxARIsAOlK_ErDiouMZzv7UylDqdKFd4o-PRBBsoxT9APR3s0kwS7W4IwDCmDskYAaAoO7EALw_wcB

The experiences I endured was torture. It was torture. I was humiliated, made fun of, called names, abused with words and denied food actually too at that psych ward. It was my first time ever being at one and I will never go back. No matter what.

If need be, I will fight like hell against anybody who tries to force me into something like that again! I NEVER go back to a mental hospital, psych ward or mental urgent care.

PSYCH WARDS ARE NOT SAFE!

PSYCH WARDS are not healing.

PSYCH WARDS are not useful.

PSYCH WARDS are cruel.

PSYCH WARDS are Evil.

PSYCH WARDS are dangerous!

My own mental health is much worse than it was before due to this!

I reported them of course!

You may say, go sue them.

With what money love?

Those people who did this to me should be in jail. They should loose their license to practice in the field and go to jail.

I am also, unsurprisingly, allergic to Risperdone and lithium. Found that out towards the end of tapering off those f**king meds. My psychiatrist was outraged and shocked that they forced those meds on me. She was like you are not bipolar. You are not bpd. You've already tried those meds with 0 success. They didn't listen to you at all. How could they endanger your physical and mental well being like that? She helped me somewhat with suggestions on tapering and recommended warm lines for when I need to talk to someone other than friends.

So there f**king told you, Arrowhead Regional Center pos!

I don't need anti-psychotics because I'm not psychotic. I'm not delusional. I'm not crazy.

I am not unstable, what made me unstable was those f**king meds!

D.I.D. is a real condition.

So is PTSD.

So is me having Autism and ADHD.

The amount of cruelty, I experienced there, has left severe scars from that.

I am fighting to get beyond the flashbacks and trauma. I have a hard time relaxing. I have a hard time focusing. I have panic attacks again. I am not sleeping well. But I refuse to go back to S.I. or S.H.

That's progress.

I can tell you that if anybody tries to take me to any of those places I will become extremely violent and heads will fly. I will never go back into something like that.

You will never convince me that psych wards are safe places to put people with mental health crises. It is the last place anybody should go. Period. End of story.

So I will include warm lines that don't call the police. And say inpatient programs are more likely helpful than harmful. Mental Urgent Care in Perris? Absolute NO. Mental Hospitals? NO. Psych Wards? F**KING NO. NEVER.

And to me ACAB until proven otherwise as well.

I'm done with trusting mental health professionals. They are bad people. I will trust on a case by case basis and only after they have proven they are worthy of trust. I'm fucking done trusting medical professionals either. I will trust on a case by case basis and only after I'm certain they are safe.

I can't handle anymore of abuse and trauma from programs/places that are supposed to be safe and are not. If we want The United States to improve than we should start with the f**king mental health programs and mental health crisis that is THE U.S.

We will not apologize for our expression of hurt and fear and anger. What they did to us was cruel and abuse!

This is America,

Amari Shaamuthi and Darkstarkiller.